Quarantine Thoughts

Realization hit.
With all this time
To think,
To reflect,
To decide what really matters,

I’ve been stuck in the past.

I’ve thought about
Who I am,
Who I used to be.

I’ve thought about
People I knew,
Mistakes I made,
How I would have changed
What already happened.

I haven’t thought about the future.

I haven’t thought about
What I want,
Who I want to be.

I haven’t thought about
People I will meet,
Choices I will make,
How I can change
What is going to happen.

Realization hit.
The times we live in,
The fear,
The uncertainty,
The number of possibilities,

Make the future too painful to think about.



© The Lightning Tower, 2020

Lifeline

What do you do when
Your lifeline starts pulling you
Under the surface?

Do you let it go,
Or do you hold on and see
What might be revealed?



© The Lightning Tower, 2020

Self

I am fascinated by my own
Crippling self-awareness,
Paired with having no idea
Who I really am.

And I wonder,
Am I the only one
Who feels this way?

Do others relish this tension,
Of knowing so much and so little?

Or is that just me…



© The Lightning Tower, 2020

Pretty Words

Pretty words have their limits.

Sometimes you need anger,
To scream to the night sky
Until your voice is spent.

Sometimes you need to weep,
To let the dams break and cry
Until you gasp for air.

Sometimes you need to ache,
To wallow in the pain inside you
And just let yourself feel raw.

Pretty words have their limits.



© The Lightning Tower, 2020

Acceptance

I’ve noticed that her cries
Have grown softer,
As her grief
Subsides.

She sits
And watches,
As the world continues
Without her dearest friend.



© The Lightning Tower, 2020

Bittersweet

Sometimes the memories
Take over my mind,
Bringing me back to a place
Where I’d rather not be,
And all too often
The taste is bittersweet.



© The Lightning Tower, 2020

Observations

She squinted up at the obscured sky, watching as the sunlight seemed to strobe through the leaves on the trees. Flashes of brightness were followed almost immediately by darkness, then back to glaring light. Her eyes couldn’t keep up, couldn’t adjust. She was always on edge, always blinded by the light or the dark.

How poetic, she mused. Almost as if the light and dark were about the battles in ourselves.



© The Lightning Tower, 2020

In the Cards

“I don’t believe in fate,” Dalia said, crossing her arms and glaring.

“It doesn’t matter if you believe in fate; fate believes in you,” Charlton sighed, pointing at the tarot cards spread out in the bench between them. “Fate says you are going to meet your soulmate this week. Or die, I sometimes can’t tell.”

“Thanks, Char, that’s helpful,” Dalia said, shooting him her trademark you’re-being-an-idiot look.

He just shrugged. “The cards are mysterious, that’s all.”

“How can you tell me ‘the cards are mysterious’ and that fate is real and you know what it is? At the same time? It’s all crap, and you know it.”

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Connected Thoughts

Pen on paper, smooth
Flow of words to page, trying
To set myself free.

–

How do you connect
When you are so terrified
Of your own damn mind?

–

Why are all my thoughts
In the form of a question?
Never an answer.



© The Lightning Tower, 2020