1. You are exhausted all the freaking time.
You constantly feel tired, drained, lacking energy. You have to deal with your own emotions every day, plus the emotions of the people you live with, your neighbors, coworkers, people you pass on the street, people on the Internet, people who are prominent public figures, everyone. And all that energy, all that emotion, just sucks any drive or momentum you might have had right out of you.
2. You know things about people.
And never the people you want to know about. You might not be able to read your crush, or your boss, or your friend, but that guy on the bus? That kid from class? The politician on TV? You can figure out their whole life story, just from watching them, feeling their energy, seeing how they react to the world around them. Which leads to…
3. You have a scary-strong intuition.
An intuition you might not even fully recognize, because you’ve lived with it your whole life. But like, seriously, how is it that you know so much, about so much? It just comes to you, you just know it, and sometimes that’s a scary thing to think about. Sure, you can logic out reasons, if someone presses you, but how do you explain just knowing something is true? It’s not a thought, it’s not a feeling, just a knowing.
4. You sound totally crazy.
Some people are cool with all this “woo-woo” intuition stuff, but others just think you are nuts. Plus, both kinds of people can be unnerved when you answer the question before they ask it, or hand them a pen before they start searching for one. And if you try to explain all this intuition stuff to someone who doesn’t get it? Get ready for blank stares and uncomfortable laughter.
5. You feel like you don’t belong.
Which totally sucks. Sure, you can figure out the emotions other people are feeling, sometimes before they do, but that doesn’t mean you understand their behavior, which can be incredibly frustrating to try and figure out. And sometimes you are so used to being caught up in your own head, in trying to ward off energy vampires and just make it through the day, that you don’t realize how lonely you really are, surrounded by people who don’t get you.
6. You aren’t a fan of crowds.
Some crowds can be fun, like going to a concert or sporting event. But even those can be overwhelming. Sometimes you see the throng you are about to join, or walk into a seething group of people, and every fiber of your being tells you to run, to get away, that being around that many people can’t be good for you. Which can be really inconvenient sometimes.
7. You feel appreciated, but not reciprocated.
People love to have you around, because you make them feel seen, feel heard, feel understood. You can be a calm person they can air their grievances to, and walk away feeling better. But have you noticed that any time you try to do the same, tell your story, deal with your emotions, complain about your problem, you get absent nods and the feeling they just want you to shut up so they can talk again? Yeah…
8. You can be selfish and self-absorbed.
Come on, you know it’s true. The stereotype is that empaths are all about caring for other people. And while that’s true, sometimes you just need to hole up with yourself (or someone who you trust and who gets you) and vent about how being to attuned to other people sucks, and makes your life suck, and how you’re so tired and just wish everyone could deal with their own emotions (like you do) instead of spraying them out into the ether to be absorbed by other people (like you). Sometimes you just need to shut yourself off from people to give yourself a chance to heal, to renew, to get some sense of energy and self back.
And yeah, sometimes you feel a little smug, that you have this intuition, this way of understanding the world that you just don’t see in other people. And sometimes you hate it, because it makes living in this world so much harder.
9. You realize you are stuck living this way for the rest of your life.
But honestly, you wouldn’t want it any other way.
© The Lightning Tower, 2020