She stared up at the sky, taking in a stars glittering above her. The cool summer breeze brushed across her skin, and she shivered. It was a marked contrast to the heat of the day, but that was why she loved it. She took a breath, relishing the scent of the evening air. It smelled like the earth, like plants, and it held a crispness that only cool air has, married with the sweet smell of rain, just beyond her reach. The smoke from a campfire nearby drifted past, bringing all four elements together in one smell. Maybe that was why she cherished evenings outside, she thought. It often brought together the four elements, it brought balance in a world so regularly off-kilter.
She listened to the rustling of the trees, tracking the movement of the wind by which trees she heard whispering to her. The cry of birds echoed softly, and crickets chirped in the grass. She closed her eyes, letting the sounds and smells and sensations wash over her. This was when she felt most connected to the world, most at peace. Standing outside at dusk, or just after nightfall, as her world went to sleep and another woke up. She felt a stillness at this time, her heart felt full. She could wash away her day, her life, her mind, and just be, just enjoy the experience of existing without other thoughts cluttering her brain.
It was a beautiful feeling, but also a painful one. It caused her to want more from her life. She wanted to feel this way more, she wanted to share this feeling with someone who would understand it, understand her. The longing hit her hard. And part of her wanted to tear away, to go back inside, to escape the pleasure-pain. To forget that this is what she wanted, because she feared she would never get it. But she tried to quiet her mind, to let the hurt and the joy move through her equally. Without one, there can’t really be the other, right?
© The Lightning Tower, 2020