“Are you sure this party is a good idea?” Minna asked, arms stretched to their limit, dutifully holding up the “Welcome Back!” banner so Joy could inspect the placement.
“Of course it’s a good idea,” Joy said. “A little higher on the left, I think. The other left. Perfect!” She rushed over, taping the corners of the banner in place. “You know Bo, he’s always up for a party.”
“Yeah,” Minna said, rubbing her arms to get the circulation going again. “But he’s coming back from deployment, Joy, not a vacation or something.”
Joy’s exuberance faltered for a moment, before she smiled broadly. “I think I know my own twin. He’s gonna love this.”
Minna decided it was best to drop the subject. When Joy wanted to do something, there was no way to talk her out of it. She’d been that way since they were kids. It didn’t matter that Minna was right about Joy’s harebrained ideas more often than not. It didn’t matter that Bo’s letters had been fewer and fewer over the last three months, or that they were shorter and shorter. And it didn’t matter that Minna had been secretly in love with him for years. Joy wanted to throw this party, and she was going to do it.
It was times like this when Minna didn’t really like her best friend. Loved her like a sister, but Joy’s inability to understand that different people deal with thing in different ways could be draining. Minna tried to ignore her worry as she helped set up the snack table, but words from Bo’s last letter kept drifting across her mind. There is no quiet here. Even in silence, the tension is deafening. She’d just do her best to keep an eye on Bo, and do anything he needed to make it through this party.
–
Part One of Minna’s vague plan to help Bo was offering to pick him up from the airport. Joy was happy to delegate this task, wanting to surprise him at the party. Their parents were already driving three hours just to attend the party, and getting stuck in airport traffic was the last thing they wanted to do.
Minna sat by baggage claim, her foot twitching and stomach twisting. Her eyes flicked between the arrivals board, the baggage carousel, and the door at the end of the hall, waiting for some sign of Bo. The carousel jerked into motion, and she started, gaze flying to the door.
It was another ten minutes before a group of people flooded the room, some chatting happily, some with grim expressions like they just wanted to get out of there. She stood, craning her neck, and finally saw a familiar face in the crowd.
“Bo!” she called, forgetting there were other people around and waving her hands wildly in the air.
She hadn’t realized just how much she had missed his grin, as he strode over to her, hat in hand, arms wide. She practically launched herself into his embrace, and he laughed a little at her tight hold.
“I missed you, too,” he said, hugging her back.
She couldn’t say anything for a few moments. She just held him, reminding herself that he was here. He was real. Then she pulled away, realizing how tightly she had been holding on, that they were in public with people staring at them, and that he didn’t feel the same way about her.
“Good to have you home,” she said, briskly, eyes quickly taking inventory. “Still waiting on a bag?”
“Yup, just the one, though,” Bo said, glancing around at baggage claim.
“Should be this one right here,” Minna pointed at the carousel crowded with people.
Bo chuckled. “You always know what’s up, don’t you?”
She just shrugged, and started looking for an empty stop to wait for his bag.
The crowd parted when they saw Bo’s uniform, so getting right up to the carousel wasn’t difficult. Minna didn’t like the feeling of so many eyes on them, though. Especially the older woman standing next to them, who kept shooting them fervent glances and smiling. Minna was about to ask Bo how the flight had been, but the woman turned to them and beamed.
“I knew you must have had a girl waiting for you back home,” she said to Bo, then her gaze locked on Minna. “He’s a real catch, I’m sure. So brave. Make sure you hold on to this one!”
“Oh, uh,” Minna said, glancing at Bo, who looked just as uncomfortable as she felt.
“Frank, look how bashful they are!” she cried, jabbing the man next to her with her elbow. “So sweet! Well, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone. You probably have a big night planned, right?” she waggled their eyebrows at them, then spotted a fluorescent pink suitcase drop from the chute. “Oh, Frank, there it is!”
They watched the bags pass by them for a few moments, before they both started to speak at the same.
“Sorry about that-”
“Well, that was awk-”
Minna smiled ruefully. “You go first.”
“Sorry about that,” Bo said again. “We were late coming down from the plane because the pilot noticed me at boarding, and felt the need to make some big speech before letting us go.” He grimaced.
“Well, that was thoughtful, I guess,” she said, frowning.
“I’d rather just be left alone,” he admitted. “But I didn’t have time to change before my flight.” He spotted his bag coming their way, and hefted it off the belt and onto his shoulder.
“Lead the way,” he said, gesturing to the doors out of the airport.
Minna was quiet on their way to her car, and Bo seemed fine with the silence. It wasn’t until they had made their way out of the maze that was airport parking and were on the way back to the house she and Joy shared that Minna finally spoke.
“I need to warn you,” she said, trying to keep her eyes on the road and not on his face.
Bo groaned. “Let me guess, it has something to do with Joy?”
She huffed a laugh. “On the money. There is a surprise party waiting for you back at the house.”
Bo was silent for a moment. “So that’s who you were texting before we left.”
“Yup. I just didn’t want you to be blindsided. I didn’t know…” she paused, searching for the right thing to say. “I tried to talk her out of it. I figured you’d want a quiet night, you know, but-”
“But you can’t talk Joy out of something once she’s set her mind to it,” he finished.
“Exactly.” She wished she could look at him.
He sighed. “Thanks for the warning. I’ll try to act surprised when we get there.”
Minna laughed. “I think some part of Joy probably knows I already told you, so you might not have to work too hard.”
Bo murmured in agreement, and they fell silent again. Her hand twitched on the steering wheel, wanting to reach over and hold his, touch him, remind herself that he really was here, safe. But she focused on the road instead. She’d kept her feelings secret this long. She wasn’t going to add to an already overwhelming situation.
The silence itself was unusual, a sign that the Bo next to her wasn’t fully the same person who had left seven months ago. Minna tried not to think too hard about what that meant.
–
“Are you ready for this?” Minna asked, pausing at the front door.
Bo took a deep breath, then tried to smile. It looked rather maniacal. “How’s this for a surprised face?”
She grinned a little. “Well, I think you should just go with what feels right in the moment. Not try to hard.”
He laughed, shifting the bag on this shoulder. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
“We can ditch,” Minna said quickly, noticing the odd look in his eyes. “We can go get a burger or something, and I can tell Joy to clear it all out.”
“No,” he said, swallowing slightly. “Let’s just do it.”
“Okay…” Minna said, and opened the door.
“SURPRISE!”
Minna felt Bo flinch beside her, and without thinking, she grabbed his hand. He squeezed it briefly, and they walked into the house.
Minna had to admit, it was quite a party. Streamers covered the ceiling, there were balloons, the tables groaned with food, and after the initial greeting, music blared from speakers hidden around the room.
Bo was flooded with well wishes, people who wanted to clap him on the back, others asking if he was okay, did he see any action, what was it like? At some point, his hand slipped from hers, and she found herself on the edge of the crowd.
“See?” Joy crowed, watching her brother smile and laugh, answering questions, making sure everyone was seen. “I told you he’d love it.”
Minna just nodded, trying not to notice the strain around his mouth, the way his eyes would dart to the doorways, as if looking for an escape.
“Can you go check on the cake?” Joy asked, “and that we have enough chips out? These vultures have been here for an hour already.” She grinned.
“Yeah, okay,” Minna said, with one last look at Bo. “Just,” she said, grabbing Joy’s arm before she could wade her way through the crowd, “keep an eye on him, please.”
Joy looked a little startled at Minna’s serious tone. “Yeah, of course.”
Minna took a deep breath, then let her go, heading to the kitchen.
–
It was at least forty minutes by the time Minna could really join the party. People kept asking her about the food, about Bo’s trip, about each other. She spent the better part of five minutes trying to find the bag from a package of cookies to check if they were gluten-free, only to find the inquirer happily eating them anyway.
She wound her way through the party, looking for the guest of honor. She grew increasingly worried the longer she looked. She finally found Joy, and nearly had to shout to be heard over the chatter and music.
“Where is Bo? Is he okay?”
“He was just here,” Joy shouted back, looking around. “I bet he just went to the bathroom or something.”
“Don’t you think this is a little much?” Minna asked, “you could turn down the music, at least.”
Joy pouted. “It’s a party, Minna. Don’t be such a fun sucker.”
Minna just shook her head, and headed toward the front door. Maybe he’d gone outside for some fresh air and quiet. She knew she would have.
She got outside and took a deep breath, shivering a little. While it was still a warm summer night, it had cooled off a lot since earlier in the day. She glanced around the porch, but didn’t see anyone. She was about to go back inside when she heard what sounded almost like panting.
“Hello?” she asked, her mind suddenly flashing to every horror movie she’d ever seen. But it didn’t sound sinister; if anything, it sounded panicked. “Bo?”
She almost missed him, sitting on the steps down to the detached garage. But when she did see him, her heart broke.
He was hunched over, with his head resting on his knees. His shoulders were shaking, and she wondered if he was crying. Minna walked over slowly, trying not to startle him.
“Bo?” she asked again, and she saw him flinch. “It’s okay, it’s just me, just Minna.” She eased herself down next to him, not too close. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to throw her arms around him, hold him close, tell him everything would be okay. She wanted to take his pain, even if it meant feeling it herself. But she didn’t know how to help him.
She’d read a lot about what soldiers go through, about homecoming, about post-traumatic stress. Reading about it was very different from seeing it, though.
“It’s okay, Bo,” she said, itching to touch him.
He started shaking harder, and she heard him crying now. She reached out a hand, tentatively, and placed it on his shoulder, only to whip it back as his jerked away from her.
“Easy,” she said, her voice low, trying to suppress her own scattered emotions. He needed her to be a calm point, not to flood him with her own fears.
Instinctively, her hand moved again, reaching for him. She knew that touch could be a trigger, but she couldn’t stop herself. This time, he didn’t recoil under her hand, and slowly, so painfully slowly, she rubbed his back. And she murmured to him, that he was safe, that he was okay, to take it easy, one breath at a time.
After what felt like ages, his shaking turned to trembling, the sobs to whimpers, until finally he took a deep breath, and sagged against her side.
“Are you using the same tone on me that you used on the horses back when we were kids at summer camp?”
She laughed weakly. “Yeah, I am. I figured it works on horses and babies, why not here?”
“I’m not a baby.”
“I know that,” she said, quickly. “It doesn’t mean you didn’t need it.”
He was silent, and she worried she’d said the wrong thing. What was she supposed to say? Pry about why he was out here, what had happened to him over there? Pretend nothing happened?
“I’m sorry you have to see me like this,” he mumbled, not looking at her.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she said.
“Yeah, but I should have been able to deal with a stupid party. After everything over there…” Bo trailed off. She knew, intellectually, that he was here, sitting with her, but his eyes were looking somewhere else.
“I told Joy this party was a bad idea,” Minna said, bitterly. “I should have pushed her more.”
“Like that’d work,” he grunted. “She’d probably have just had it somewhere else, and not tell you.” He smiled weakly. “At least this way, I had some warning.”
They sat silently for a few minutes, lost in their own heads.
“It was the music,” Bo said, suddenly.
Minna didn’t speak, just started rubbing his back again, reassuring him that she was there.
“I probably could have dealt with the crowd. It was hot, and everyone was talking, but I managed okay at the airport. But the music was just too much. Too loud, on top of everything. I just… I couldn’t…”
“It’s okay,” Minna said, unable to think of anything else.
“No, it’s not,” he said. “Nothing about this is okay. What happened over there, how it’s messed me up. Nothing is okay.”
Instead of sounding angry, he sounded lost, hopeless, and that broke Minna’s heart all over again.
“Well, this is okay, right?” she asked, her voice trembling slightly. “Sitting here, in the quiet.” With me, she longed to add, but couldn’t bring herself to say the words.
“Yeah,” he said, finally looking at her. “This is okay.”
She didn’t know who moved first. All she knew was that his lips were on hers, so soft, so gentle, and shivers went up and down her spine. It was the briefest of kisses, and Bo pulled away first, eyes on the ground.
“Sorry,” he said, gruffly. “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re just being nice to me, and I’m all fucked up, and you probably don’t…” he trailed off, shaking his head.
“Bo, it’s okay,” she said, her voice breaking. “I’ve got your back, always will. Remember?”
He huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I remember. We promised each other that back in high school.”
“Well, I’m saying it again,” she said, firmly. Even if you never love me like I love you, she thought.
“And I have yours,” he said, “whatever that’s worth, now.”
“It’s everything,” she whispered, and she wasn’t sure if he heard her.
They both jumped slightly as a swell of noise came from the house.
“Let’s get out of here,” Minna said, “before Joy finds us and pulls us into whatever that is.”
“I should really go back in there…” Bo said, but he sounded apprehensive.
“Screw that,” Minna said. “How about this. Let’s go get burgers, at that place that’s always quiet, and we can just… hang out. Talk. Whatever will make you feel better.”
Bo hesitated, then grinned at her. The real Bo, the one that wasn’t drowning in pain, came back to the surface.
“Let’s do it.”
He held her hand all the way to the car, and she never wanted to let go.
© The Lightning Tower, 2020