For context, please refer to Corporate Burnout.
Internal Memo
Date: 4/12/2020 (current Earth system)
To: All Employees of Heaven, Inc.
From: Mr. G
Subject: Covid-19
Until further notice, all employees of Heaven, Inc. are instructed to put their projects on hold until the Covid-19 virus decimating the human population of Earth is under control (preferably eradicated). All employees are to work with their offices, departments, and divisions to help the humans recover from this disturbing incident.
This includes, but is not limited to:
- Enforcing “social (physical) distancing”
- Aiding in the discovery a cure, as well as the creation of necessary materials such as PPE, ventilators, and medications.
- Protecting essential workers (including but not limited to health care, retail, delivery, factory, maintenance and warehouse workers).
- Providing at least one (1) piece of good and/or wholesome news each week (preferably having to do with the elderly, children, or cats).
Any employee who does not comply with these instructions, or who actively tries to make this disaster worse, including but not limited to the following offenses, will be fired immediately:
- Encouraging humans to gather in large groups for any reason (including but not limited to parties, celebrations, graduations, religious gatherings, or funerals).
- Making promises to humans for assistance from Heaven, Inc. that are not approved by Mr. G.
- Spreading misinformation or encouraging the spread of such.
- Using this disaster to further other potentially dangerous projects to the well-being of the planet and its inhabitants.
- Suppressing the efforts of fellow Heaven, Inc. employees in the above-stated goals.
- Allowing the human population to turn against itself, and spread hate and fear, in terms of race, religion, gender or gender identity, sexual orientation, economic status, national origin, or any other reason humans tend to hate each other.
- Anything else Mr. G determines to be damaging to Heaven, Inc., Earth, Earth’s inhabitants, or the reputation of any of the above.
This memo serves as notice and a reminder that Heaven, Inc.’s mission is to provide peace on Earth, and a good life for all its inhabitants. Any employee who acts with little or no regard for the safety and well-being of Earth and its inhabitants will be fired immediately with no severance, which has been approved by Mr. G and the Heaven, Inc. workers’ union management.
Finally, to be clear – Heaven, Inc. does not condone or encourage dangerous behavior in the human population in the observance of worship of Heaven, Inc. at this time. Make sure the humans under your responsibility stay home and stay safe, and create the appropriate conditions for such.
Keep an eye out for continued updates about this situation.
Put into effect on 4/12/2020 (current Earth system) by Mr. G.